"You need to stop thinking"...heard it before? Well I have. I heard it, but didn't understand it. How, I wondered were you supposed to do that? How would things get done? How would you sort things out without thinking about them?
Over the past few months I have had many "lightbulb" moments. I have realised the power of thought, the power of the mind. I have read the Law of Attraction. I KNOW instinctively, that when we think positively, positive things happen.
So how then do I reconcile myself with stopping my over-thinking. I found myself longing to. And then I had an "epiphany". It's all about feelings.
For a long time, my whole life, I have felt love and a deep appreciation for the world around me. I love life and all that it has to offer. I have an intense love for people. This has gotten me into lots of bother, both friendship and relationship-wise. I have always had, what I believe to be a gift, to see people for who they truly are. I could feel it. I found myself in places where I had seen this beauty, encouraged it, nurtured it, and then found that I was so caught up, I had lost myself.
As a very little girl, I would stand alongside my friends and walk their walk with them. I would share my faith and love with everyone. I remember feeling 100% happy with life and felt a deep sense of fulfilment in being that person. I look back on those times with great sadness now. How on earth did I go from being that loving, free-spirited little girl to the over-analysing adult that I have become? My thinking, has gotten me stuck with that question for years.
In my teens, without going into too much detail, at some point, I put my feelings aside and started thinking things through. I thought through how to talk to people, how to support them in their life quests. That became the pattern. And I have realised I have become less and less effective.
The only times, I have truly felt in alignment with my life-purpose of showing true love and unconditional love, has been when I have spoken from my heart-experience. But somewhere along the line, I had begun to neglect my feelings in everyday life. I could feel that I had lost me. But had no idea how to get me back or where I had lost myself. I have felt numb and as if I was living life on auto-pilot. (Not all the time...but in times where I knew I SHOULD be happy or sad or angry...I thought it, but couldn't feel it).
About three years ago, I realised, I actually had neglected my feelings to such an extent, I had completely lost me. I could no loner distinguish how how was feeling, who I was or why I was here. Simple tasks confused me. I had come to a crossroads where I had to face the fact. I had given all of me and there was nothing left.
I have made HUGE headway with getting the simple feelings back, with getting my zest for life back. But something was still missing.
“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler.” Nietzsche
I have been very blessed over the past year, to have experienced an amazing shift in my life. I have re-realised my true calling in life and I believe THAT has brought me to the place I now find myself. I have felt love in a new way, I could hardly believe was possible. A non-restrictive love that has allowed me to grow into the woman I know I was always meant to be: feminine, with all the frilly bits...the playful, sensual and nurturing woman that I love being. I have walked a path, where I have been free to explore, experiment, experience, engage with, express myself and expand my world, life in it's raw beauty. I feel so grateful for this.
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” Elisabeth Foley
I have been exploring my femininity. It has been an interesting path and I have finally come to this amazing realisation, that all the world needs from a woman, is her heart.
I believe that woman, have the ability to feel the world around them in a very special way. Woman notice the physical world around them and tend to comment on it more. I have always loved nature:Sunsets and sunrises; the mountains, the sea; the animals. I have a deep love for the African bush. I feel calm and peaceful and whole when I am appreciating it.
I love life. I love people. I am fascinated with how people think, how animals communicate. I feel sad when I see others not appreciating and valuing the world around them. I feel a deep sense of loss when people don't value themselves. When they feel lost or confused by their own actions. I feel deep pangs of pain when I can see beauty and others can't.
I feel the world around me, the gentle rhythm of life. For me, it is like floating on the sea...feeling the undulations of life, have a calming effect on me and I feel centred. Even the HUGE waves of life, though scary, they have their place in life. I know that there will be calm after the storm, just as there was before it.
Now I have THOUGHT this for a long time. I have known it deep down. The difference now is, I am feeling it.
With that feeling, there is an added dimension. I feel vulnerable. And it is scary. At times, I feel frightened by the wave that is about to crash over me. It IS scary...it is dangerous, it could potentially finish me off.
But I know I have the gift to "swim". I have that gift, because I know why I am here. Feeling, is a gift in itself. I know this, because I know how lost I felt, as a woman, when I couldn't feel, when I felt numb to life. I also know and feel hopeful, that at some point, I will be able to use this experience, when sharing with others.
“Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.” Borenstein
For years, I have advised others, as I learnt myself, that trying to avoid or go over or around an obstacle, is not the way forward. It will only turn up later in your path in a different form. Obstacles need to be acknowledged and faced. You need to experience them, feel them and that way...you can move forward. So my added realisation about obstacles is...that when experiencing them, as a woman, one MUST feel them. Get vulnerable...be honest, be positive, but FEEL.
This is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. But I am feeling elated, that at last, I truly "get" why I have made mistakes in friendships, my choice of friends. I truly "get" why relationships have had the same pattern. I finally understand why that self same obstacle kept turning up in my life. I had experienced it, but not felt it.
Finally, I believe that women have this gift to share with the world. Our intuitive feelings are the marvellous and awesome way in which we contribute to the world around us. Thinking is for the physical, man-made world, for our jobs, for solving problems. But with our feelings, we can CHANGE the world around us.
I desire to be THAT woman, who people look to for seeing the beauty of the world that IS and that has always been. The stunning, inspiring, sensitive, perfectly aligned world and life that we have been fortunate enough to be gifted.
“I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.”